Why does my Teenager Hate Me

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why does my teenager hate me?”. The attitude, eye rolling and scoffing at just about everything you say? It’s not that they hate you, they just aren’t sure what they should be feeling. Today I’m sharing my client Jennifer’s experience with her teenage son after getting clarity on her core values. She used her values to set clear boundaries and allowed space for growth, leading to significant improvements in her relationship with her son.

Parent-teenager dynamics

Jennifer was struggling to connect with her 19-year-old son. He lived at home, worked part-time, and seemed to spend little time thinking about his future. He disregarded his parents’ requests for help and their advice – tending to avoid them – which created tension in their relationship. Jennifer felt frustrated and didn’t now how to help her son.

When Jennifer started working with me, she was looking for tips to change her sons perspective and motivate him to take action. Instead, we started with changing her perspective. Just as your teenager’s energy impacts how you feel, yours does the same for them. You are the only person you can control so your focus should always be on your own actions.

As part of my group coaching program, we tackle core values. As the group works through their discovery individually and then together, light bulbs go off. They soon see why certain things bother them so much and why they feel misaligned. It also helps them to understand why they are disconnected from others. Understanding her core values gave Jennifer tools to communicate with her son and help him understand what she needed. It also helped her see where she could let go.

Teenagers hate control

Jennifer had been running two small businesses and trying to launch two teenagers into the world. She had been holding onto everything as a means to control it. This included trying to control her kids based on her vision for them. When her son didn’t live into that after high school, it caused more resentment between them. And while you’re asking “Why does my teenager hate me,” trying to control everything may have your teen asking “Why doesn’t my mom have faith in me?”

As Jennifer became more clear on her values, she saw where she could let go of the things that didn’t align with them. She shared what she was learning about herself with her son and owned her side of the relationship. Instead of attempting to control every aspect of her son’s life, Jennifer established clear guidelines that allowed him to take responsibility for his actions. This decision required patience but ultimately led to a significant shift in their relationship dynamics.

Instead of avoiding her, Jennifer’s son started hanging around more. He also began seriously investigating post-high school education and the future he could build for himself. Jennifer started enjoying more time for herself and enjoyed how that impacted how she felt every day.

What does my teenager need?

When your kids know that you respect them and show it by allowing them to handle bigger decisions and their consequences, they start to appreciate you more. And they also start to figure themselves out. You see, teens don’t always know what it is they need as they haven’t had enough experience to know what to ask for.

Jennifer’s experience highlights the importance of granting teenagers the space to learn and grow independently. While the inclination to protect and guide our children is natural, it’s crucial to strike a balance between support and autonomy. By allowing room for decision-making and learning from mistakes, parents can empower their teenagers to discover who they want to become, as well as, grow into self-reliant individuals.

Jennifer’s journey also underscores the significance of self-care. Recognizing the value of prioritizing her own well-being, Jennifer pursued her passions and maintained her personal interests. This act of self-nurturing not only enhanced her own happiness but also conveyed an essential lesson to her son about the importance of self-worth and self-care. And it allowed her to show up more calmly and less resentful to their interactions.

Conclusion

Jennifer’s story offers valuable insights into fostering positive parent-teen relationships. By understanding what you need, emphasizing communication, and setting appropriate boundaries, parents can navigate the challenges of raising teenagers more effectively. Instead of “Why does my teenager hate me?”, ask “What does my teenager need me to let go of?” Jennifer’s experiences and strategies serve as a reminder that, with patience and understanding, it’s possible to nurture strong connections with our adolescents as they navigate the path to adulthood.

For more tips on creating connection, download my free guide!