Why do I feel so out of control?

Jeopardy Answer: Why do I feel so out of control? Logical Question: Texts are flying, emails are pouring in, there are piles of laundry in the hallway, your kids needed to be somewhere 15 minutes ago and you have no idea what’s for dinner. Does that feel about right?

I can feel it, too, but let’s chat about something that’s likely contributing to the overall feeling – the urge to control everything around you. With so many balls in the air, Moms tend to step in to make sure it’s all happening.

58% of moms report they are primarily responsible for the duties of running a household and caring for children, up 2% over 2022.

– 2023 State of Motherhood survey

Moms Want to Control Everything

Picture this: You’re a superstar in your career, making big decisions and getting things done. You’re supporting co-workers and/or clients, creating success and getting kudos along the way. And when you come home (or log out, if that’s actually a thing), there’s more stuff to do – cooking, cleaning, helping with homework, driving carpool, and taking care of everyone. It’s like a whirlwind, and sometimes, you start to feel like you need to control every little thing to keep it all together.

When moms are super responsible and have high expectations, they might think that if they don’t control everything, things will fall apart. They want things to be perfect for their family and themselves. It’s like they’re wearing a superhero cape, and they think it’s their job to do everything. Newsflash – Moms are human, not superheroes! It’s okay to ask for help and let go of some control.

Why is it so hard to let go of control?

Being high-powered perfectionists, working Moms want their family to have the perfect life, too. It’s like when you’re driving along and all of a sudden you enter a school zone. As hard as you try, slowing down to school zone speed feels like you’re in a time warp. It just doesn’t feel right. It’s the same going from buttoned up corporate by day to laid back at night. It takes a little bit of time. Like when you go on vacation and are just starting to feel relaxed, when it’s time to go home and jump back into work life. (I hope you’re relaxing on vacation.)

We also have a vision for how we expect things to be. And we know that if we control the outcome, it will be pretty close to our vision. If we ask someone else to be in control of it, there’s a good chance it won’t be. I challenge you to ask yourself if the vision is that important.

What if the clothes or towels don’t get folded perfectly? Or dinner is ready at 7pm instead of 6:30pm? Or grandma’s birthday gift is not quite what you would have gotten? No one will get injured or die from any of those outcomes. So why not let someone else be in charge of some of those things? The important part is to be thankful that it’s no longer on your plate and that you don’t have to worry about it. Show appreciation for whomever has taken it over and move on.

Instead of asking yourself, Why do I feel so out of control?, try asking Where am I ok letting go of control?

Letting go of control

Start with a list of things that you do around the house. Find one thing you can hand off, ask nicely and frame it as a win-win (hint: you’ll be calmer). Then step back and let it go.

Both my boys played competitive soccer. I was the point person for everything. Registration, try-outs, payments for tournaments, communication from the team mom & coaches, it all came to me. My husband was just as capable of handling it as I was, so I asked him to own it all. There was some gentle reminding required early on that I was not responding to anything and I requested that he get his own Venmo account so that I didn’t have to execute any of the transactions. But, he took it over and it was huge help!

Where can you ask for help? And where can you say No? In my house my kids are capable of doing almost everything I can and I don’t hesitate to ask for their support. They do their own laundry (I stopped caring whether it actually gets back into their drawers or not), I ask them to make dinner some nights, and have even asked the older one to drive carpool for the younger one before he could drive.

Asking for help not only benefits you, but it shows your family that you trust them and teaches them some new skills.

Conclusion

As entrepreneurs and corporate go getters, Moms can ending up trying to control not only work responsibilities, but everything in their family life. And then wonder, Why do I feel so out of control? You feel out of control because you are trying to control more than you should. Acknowledge that you are human, ask for help and let go of the outcomes. Allow others to step up so that you can step down. Everyone will enjoy a more calm, less-controlling mom. Especially you.

For more tips to increase the Balance in your life, Download my free guide.