Some days just suck

Not every day can be puppy dogs and roses. Life happens to all of us and can leave you feeling anywhere from frustrated and annoyed to helpless and emotionally exhausted. As a Mom, you know how true this can be! Today I wanted to share about a major struggle our family went through almost eighteen months ago and how I got through it. When you have the tools to weather a big storm, you can more easily bounce through the small ones. I can’t say the goal is to master your emotions, but the key is in controlling your emotions, not suppressing them. It’s actually the reason I focus my coaching on moms of teens and preteens, and why I started this blog.

The back story

The covid induced isolation didn’t serve any of our kids and my youngest son had an especially tough time. We learned that a couple of years prior he had been bullied and the related trauma exacerbated his loneliness and need for connection. His mental health took a significant dip and we were all on high alert for several months. I wasn’t sleeping well at all and it was a challenge to keep my chin up. When the situation initially unfolded, I just let myself ride the emotional roller coaster. Being the master of my emotions wasn’t even a thought. I allowed myself to feel it all without judgment. There were some important things happening with my business, but I let them wait.

As we started to get a handle on how to help my son and began healing together, I knew I needed to focus on something else. Continuing to sit in all the feels would not be helpful for anyone, including myself. But prioritizing anything else was not easy.

Regulating my feelings

I started with one step. I listened to a daily message from my personal development coach. It gave me something else to think about. I don’t recall the exact message but it was something about assessing where I was mid-week. Nowhere really.

Then I took a second step. I opened my journal. I wrote about how tough the week was already and what I could focus on to get through it. I forced myself to think about what I was grateful for, even during this difficult time. Writing down my emotions changed everything. I felt I had something to remind me of why I should keep going! My emotional moments crept in and that was ok. I wasn’t trying to block anything out, but work through it. If you want more insight on how gratitude can change your mindset, read my previous post on the topic.

At this time, I became more consistent in meditation to help me let go of what I couldn’t control and be present. This allowed me to be more emotionally available for my family and gave me peace in the moment. Whenever I’m feeling a little out of sorts, like I’m not in control of my emotions, it’s usually because I haven’t meditated in a few days. When I return to it, I feel like myself again.

Emotional courage

Sometimes we can get so overwhelmed with life happening that we get paralyzed. Or we feel guilty about just experiencing the emotions of our situation. And that the goal is to master our emotions or suppress them. But acknowledging them is really the only way to move on. It may be the only way to understand and determine what you need and what you can use from your situation to move you forward. It’s called emotional courage.

I recorded a short video on Emotional Courage earlier that year that received a lot of positive feedback. I wasn’t the only one who needed the encouragement. Once you’ve thought about what you need, take one small step. And then another. Don’t judge yourself for what you’re not doing but celebrate the step.

Support from a Friend

The magnitude of what we were going through as a family was very isolating. We didn’t know who would understand, who would judge my son or us as parents, and who would step back. So we kept everything very close. When I was ready to share, it was mostly with people who didn’t know my son as I didn’t want anything to come back on him as he was trying to heal. As I talked about it, just about everyone shared a similar story from their own life or a friend. They understood and offered their support.

Everyone has their challenges. Whether it’s a family crisis or just another bad day. The warmth of a friend who gets you can make a big difference in how you get through it and how well you are at controlling your emotions. It’s always good to have someone rooting for you and you don’t always have to share all of the details, but just having someone to sit with you can be significant. This is when my group coaching program was created so that more moms have a place to share and be heard.

Emotional High

Celebrating what you are doing and how far you’ve come is incredibly important. It’s much more motivating than thinking about what didn’t go as planned. I invite you to reflect on your week, celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small, and appreciate how amazing you are. And then celebrate and appreciate the ones you love. Becoming a master of your emotions requires embracing both the positive and negative emotions. When you do, it’s powerful for everyone.

If you want to understand your emotions better, start with my quiz to identify your Leading Emotion. It might be just the awareness you need to take that next step.