Grow the Relationship

Being the Mom of a teenager is never easy. Never. As they grow, you must grow. And if you don’t give them the space to make mistakes or acknowledge your own opportunities, you could be sabotaging your relationship with them. Improving your relationship with your teenager takes intentional action. Here I share some of the most common ways parents inadvertently drive things in the opposite direction with their teens. Take a look and see where you can adjust.

Your behavior and your teenager

Over-controlling

Dictating every aspect of your teen’s life communicates that you don’t believe that they can figure things out. Often this leads them to doing the opposite of what you want so that they can prove to themselves that they can. Try letting go a little and let them figure things out for themselves. You might be surprised at how much they can handle.

Failing to listen

Teens want to be heard, and when you dismiss their concerns or interrupt them constantly, you’re telling them you don’t care about what they have to say. So, try to put aside your own agenda and actually listen to what they’re telling you.

Being inconsistent

Nothing frustrates a teen more than having the rules constantly change. If you’re not consistent in your expectations and consequences, you’re sending a message that you don’t have their best interests at heart.

Neglecting quality time

Just because your teen is growing up doesn’t mean they don’t need your attention anymore. You just have to take an interest in what they like rather than trying to force them into what you like. If you’re too busy to spend quality time with your teen, they’ll start looking elsewhere for someone who will. Checkout this study from the National Institute of Health on this topic.

Overreacting

Yelling, punishment that’s too harsh, or just being generally angry and frustrated are all great ways to make your teen feel like they’re never good enough. Try to keep your cool, even when they’re pushing your buttons. Take a break, if needed, so that you can come back for a more rational conversation. If you want to learn more about which emotion you lead with, take my free quiz to find out.

Improve your interactions first

If you look at the list above, they’re probably all things that would push you away. Acknowledge that your teen is a person and treat them the way you want to be treated. It’s honestly that simple. Not always easy, but a great rule to follow.

Want to improve your relationship with your teenager and take back control without controlling it all? Learn more about my group coaching specifically made for mom’s of teenagers!