Shifting your Thoughts for 2023

Everyone can get stuck in negative thought patterns from time to time. Life comes at us, usually out of the blue, and generally at the most inconvenient times. Things like you left your phone on the roof of your car and drove off, you got passed up for a promotion, your good friend unfriended you on social media, your teenager gets into a car accident, your landlord raises your rent. Any one of these could send you in a negative direction. And if you’re not paying attention, one bad thing can roll into another and then another.

According to a study conducted by the National Science Foundation, 80% of our thoughts are negative. It’s our ego trying to protect us based on what it knows, previous experiences. That’s why paying attention to what you’re telling yourself is so important. What you reinforce in yourself makes a difference between a state of mind or just a bad day. If you have teenagers, you know this impacts them, as well. Keep reading for more perspective and tips on how to change your outlook and start attracting more of what you do want.

Reduce Negative Thought Patterns with Reframing

Whatever you focus on grows because your mind believes whatever you tell it. Reframing allows you to adjust the lens you’re looking through to see a situation differently.

Reframing requires seeing something in a new way, in a context that allows us to recognize and appreciate positive aspects of our situation. Reframing helps us to use whatever life hands us as opportunities to be taken advantage of, rather than problems to be avoided. Breakdowns are transformed into challenges and new possibilities to experience life more fully and to become a more whole human being.

Linda Bloom, LCSW, and Charlie Bloom, MSW, Psychology Today

Once you catch yourself with a negative thought, a good practice is to stop and actively dismiss the thought. Then take a minute to focus on your breath and then re-enter the situation. Let’s look at a few common scenarios and opportunities to reframe each. I’m sure your teen will relate to most of them, as well.

• I’m so stupid. Usually it’s not that you’re actually stupid, but that you did something that was sub-optimal. The first step is always to acknowledge the negative thought and then correct it. For me this would be “Cheryl, you are amazing! You just did a stupid thing.” Then I stop and focus on my breathing before reflecting on what led to the mistake. Maybe I need to take a break and recharge or stop trying to multi-task.
• Ugh! Why is this happening to me today? I’m never good enough. A way to reframe this would be “OK Universe, what are you trying to teach me today?” Reflect on your options and opportunities to determine your next action.
• I can’t believe my kid did that! I’m such a horrible mom. Reframe that into “Being a mom certainly teaches me a lot. What can I help myself and my child learn from this situation?” If you’re looking for more support to help you overcome, resentment and self-doubt, or you just want to enhance your relationship with your teenager, one of my coaching programs might serve you.
• I can’t make friends. That’s almost never the case. Instead try “I haven’t found my people yet. My unique gifts are not understood by everyone.” Consider what your gifts are and where the people who would appreciate them would hang out.

Reframing allows you to see the situation from a broader perspective and own your next step rather than staying stagnant and feeling like a victim. If you’re curious which emotion you lead with, take my free quiz.

Not all days are Rosey

Stuff happens. And it will keep happening. How you respond to the stuff, determines if you’re destined for more bad luck or whether you’ll grow and move forward.

If you’re feeling depressed, just can’t get out of the negativity or have suicidal thoughts, please seek professional help.