Nobody. Sometimes we can forget that when a conversation or decision doesn’t turn out as planned or when we make a mistake. But the real issue is not in encountering a challenge, because you will, but in how you respond to it that determines how well you will recover from a setback.
First, acknowledge what did go well. Be proud of yourself for starting or taking the risk and realize what you’ve learned. The learning is required to grow and where the recovery actually starts.
So let’s take a few different scenarios and identify what it might look like to recover from a setback. In most cases, the sooner you take action the more effective it will be.
Life never stops happening. Sometimes those big events can paralyze you and keep you from your next chapter. This could be a sudden change in job status, marital status or other life event that changes how you feel about yourself. Start by grieving. Allow yourself to feel the emotions associated with the change so that you can move forward. When I resigned from my corporate career, I realized that I needed to grieve the people, the security and the status that I had there so that I could focus on what was next.
Be aware, that the source of your “stuckness” might not be obvious. For example, getting married, while exciting and joyful, can bring up longing for your old life and an awareness that you are giving up some control of your life. This can lead to confusion and a whole lot of self-sabotaging behaviors if you don’t recognize it.
Next, think about the opportunities you have in this next phase of life. Write them down and identify why you are excited about each. Then identify action steps for the first few. And get into action! Action tends to override worry or confusion so taking any step will help you feel more comfortable and in control.
We’ve all had those situations where a relationship just goes off track. It could be a misunderstanding in a conversation, a less than ideal first encounter or a scuffle with your teenager. In any case, reach back out quickly to name your concern, own your part and try to repair it.
For example, “Hey, Maddy. I was having a less than perfect morning and I didn’t mean to snap at you as you left for school. Hope you’re having a great day. Let me know if there is anything I can do to make it even better.” This is an acknowledgment that you’re not perfect and let’s them know your connection with them is important. It will also likely diffuse any frustration they had and allow them to own their part of the encounter, as well.
You can use this approach in any relationship. More than likely, just reaching in a non-defensive manner will address the situation.
We’ve all tried a new health or workout routine, and not gotten it right on the first try. Switching up your eating plan can be a major overhaul to your life and a new workout routine impacts your energy overall and can take some getting used to. Trying to change too much at one time, can just be unmanageable. Especially, if you’re doing it alone. This can feel defeating but recovering from a setback just might require more intention.
First, find a buddy. Find someone who is in the same boat and is willing to make the changes, too, and support you through it. It could be your partner, a friend or a challenge group. Finding a coach to guide you rather than devising your own plan can also help ensure the approach is best for you. Don’t just trust the infomercial or the sales clerk at the vitamin store. I get to work with a lot of amazing wellness professionals, and love sharing my resources, if you’re looking for assistance. Just drop a note.
Second, think about what these new commitments mean in the context of your existing life. If you aren’t thoughtful about impacts, you can set yourself up for failure from the beginning. Changing what you eat requires planning and awareness by those you might be eating with so that they don’t inadvertently sabotage your progress. Asking for their support can help, especially from anyone you think might have a negative response to your attempts to change.
Third, when you look at what you’re adding into your routine, identify what you can remove to allow for better chances for success. Adding a 90 minute workout into an already busy day, can cause overwhelm and hi-jack your attempt at self-improvement.
Life is all about lessons. Each experience can teach you something. The power is in mining those lessons and using them to create your best version of you. I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept of being “Over the Hill.” It’s basically a nice way of saying you’re old.
My perspective is that our journey on this planet is about conquering life, one lesson at a time. Each lesson takes us to another summit on the mountain. When we stop learning and growing, our next step is down the other side, Over the Hill. But when you keep trying something new and embracing the lessons, you will never reach the top but you will have increasingly amazing views of your life. So keep climbing!
If you’re looking for assistance moving through your setbacks, I’d be happy to chat and understand if I can help. More info here.
I help women see their situation from different perspectives so they can appreciate their success, evaluate their opportunities, and improve their relationship with themselves and everyone around them.
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