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What Influences Your Happiness?
Whether you’re driving carpool or the kids are just driving you crazy, do you know how to drive yourself happy? With school in full swing, I wanted to talk a little more about you. About you the parent, but also you the person. We don’t often contemplate where we are on our own happiness scale or give ourselves a chance to deepen our understanding of what drives our behavior. It gets lost in the chaos of family life.
The ten human drives are broken into baseline and forward drives. Let’s start with the five baseline drives as foundational behaviors we all experience.
The Five Baseline Drives to Drive Yourself Happy
#1 Control
As we age, we generally want more control over our lives. You’ve undoubtedly noticed this if you spend time around a teenager. While you can’t control everything, you can control how you show up – your character and your attitude or outlook towards everything. If you’re struggling to feel like you have control, focus on these two things and see if your perspective of control shifts. It often starts with your morning routine.
#2 Competence
Do you feel like you have the skills you need to be a good mom, partner, employee, entrepreneur, friend, etc.? When we feel ill equipped we often shy away from that role, indulge in negative self-talk and/or study and read obsessively which takes away from actually performing and learning. Competence always comes from practice. Try, learn, adjust & try again. Please don’t focus on perfection, because that’s not really a thing, but focus on growth instead.
#3 Congruence
Congruence speaks to how authentically you are living your life. Are your relationships, environments and thoughts aligned with your intentions? Does your head rationalize situations when your gut is telling you to move on leaving you stuck? Do you stay in an unfulfilling job that pays the bills but doesn’t allow you to follow your passion? Inspect and determine where you can make adjustments. I Am statements are a great way to start living into your true self.
#4 Caring
As parents, our initial job is to care for our kids and often turns to caring for our parents. While you have an innate drive to care for others, you also need to care for yourself. Take time to show yourself that you are a priority and let others know what you need. Modeling this behavior demonstrates to your kids not only how you want to be treated but sets an example for loving and valuing themselves. Think about scheduling in time for yourself if you don’t currently have any in your routine. Here’s a great resource for understanding if you might have Caregiver Burnout.
#5 Connection
Connection is what we crave as humans. It’s almost as important as air, food and water for our survival. Connection is what gets us through the tough times and increases our joy when things are good. In fact, research shows that experiences are heightened when shared with another individual. If you’re not getting the connection you desire from those in your circle, try a different tactic or maybe you need to change out your circle. It’s okay to outgrow your service from or to others. It’s a normal part of growth and often required for you to move forward.
If you aren’t prioritizing your ability to satisfy these drives or if others aren’t supporting them in you, inspect your opportunities so that you can make adjustments and start to drive yourself happy. If you think your emotions might be a factor, take my quiz to discover which one you lead with.
What Drives Your Kids Happy?
Your kids are people, too. If you want to influence your teenager, acknowledge that everyone experiences the above drives and ask yourself how can you enable your teen in each of them.
Consider things like:
- What can you offer or explain that will give them a sense of control?
- How can you help them increase their skill or mastery?
- How can you interact with them to honor their identity or call out their incongruence?
- What can you do to amplify your caring or tell them how they can care for you?
- How can you increase the quality of your relationship with them?
They are on their way to adulthood and honoring that allows the walls to start coming down as they realize you are with them and not against them. And just that is a start to drive you both happy.
Ready for the five forward drives? Check those out here.
My FREE Feed Your Soul guide will help you reinvigorate so you can start feeling like yourself again.
Feel like you’ve lost control of your physical and emotional energy?
I’ve been coaching people to be their best for over twenty years and love seeing them thrive as they adjust the lens they’re looking through. As a mom of teengaers, I realized that I could use my talent to help moms feel less frustrated, isolated and defeated as their kids navigate the challenging teen years. Helping my clients improve their relationship with themselves and honor their needs is my superpower. You’ll love how your energy shifts and your interactions become more positive after working together! I’m excited for you to experience more peace and confidence and live the life you’re meant to live.
