Feeling like an Imposter

Trying to understand your moody teenager can be incredibly frustrating in the moment. It’s the number one complaint I hear from Moms. They’re trying to do their best by their kids, but it never seems good enough. What’s worked up until this point is no longer working and they feel like an imposter.

As a parent or in another part of your life, have you ever tried to step into something new but just felt like you’re not good enough, smart enough, expert enough? It happens to all of us. I remember the day we left the hospital with my first born. I suddenly realized I had to do this parenting thing without the 24/7 support. It was terrifying! But, we made mistakes, learned and our son is not only still alive, but a sophomore in college. I call that success.

Understanding your Teenagers Moodiness

Now imagine your teen, who has been guided, directed and scheduled most of his/her life and now needs to decide which friends to pick, how to ask for help and learn to recover from failures, all while trying to make you proud.

They’re fighting for freedom, but aren’t exactly sure what to do with it yet. This confusion along with the emotional conflict of wanting to both stand on their own feet and ask for a big hug leads to their mood swings and unpredictability. Fortunately, it’s not as sudden as having custody of a child over night, but it is even more challenging as most of the lessons are brand new. At least I had some experiences to draw from.

As your teen is figuring this all out, give them some grace. They are making some very adult decisions but don’t have any experience being an adult. That doesn’t mean we should make the decisions for them, but guide them and trust them to do what’s right. And when they don’t (it’s part of the learning process) let them feel the consequences, but help them move forward. While you’re trying to understand your moody teenager, they’re living it, so don’t shame them or make them feel like an imposter. Instead, pull out the lessons that they can learn from and let them know you still love them.

Learning Together

As my kids move through each stage, I know I also have to step up and grow. The difference is that I have the tools because I’ve had enough wins and failures to draw from. While you can share your experiences with your teenager, learning is always more effective with first hand experience so allow your teen to compile their own tools. Let them make mistakes, fail and learn. Give them the guardrails and get out of their way. You don’t want to do it for them, but that doesn’t mean you can’t provide the Kleenex.

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If you’re looking for ways to help you survive this challenging time for both you and your teen, it can help to get perspective from another source. I help Mom with this through my group or one-on-one coaching or you can take my quiz.

Do your teens’ emotions seem more severe than just normal moodiness? They’re always listening at the Teen Crisis Hotline.